Sunday, 22 July 2012

Guest Post The taste of loneliness  Jazib Aslam   He was not the person who he was supposed to be?  He had to become what was expected from him, he had to do what was believed of him. He had the valor and determination but he was deficient and devoid of the main necessity. He was devoid of peace, and satisfaction.

His countenance sparkled with smile, eyes shone most of the times, heart was light and kindheartedness was induced in him. His thoughts were, “we live not for a reason, but we give reason to live”. So this principle worked at times as well. Naughtiness if found was only in him, any act of such sort was the reason of him being involved.  . All with love called him, Aqiram, though actual name was the same as well but rest were not familiar with it, except family unit. Life was so simple and as it had to be in the beginning years of his birth. But that life didn’t last long. It had its end, the day his father had his start.
 His father who once was considered to be one of the best human beings in the town and who could make good earning out of his post to support his family was now indulged in spending his money in a ghastly manner. He spent his money in brothels and on courtesans and Alcohol. He had forgotten that he was there to support his only son and wife. But what would man do when his luck is in awful session. His faith had something else for him; people mend their lives while getting matured but he ruined after.
Aqiram was born three years after his parents got married. The beginning years of the marriage of his parents were very dull.  They didn’t live the way couple should live. Unsympathetic Indifferences of the father added to the darkness, which the son sensed. He felt at an early age the divergence between his parents, which somehow transformed his life. Watching parents indulged in frequent fights irrespective of the cause and reason was a cruelness done to an infant, even though there was a reason. Brawls of his parents staggered him the most and hence he lived in misery. He was a boy who mostly spent days and nights in loneliness; He didn’t not understand life nevertheless he lived his life, no matter how?
His mother was so beautiful, with pale blue eyes and auburn hair, she never ever believed in hatred, she only understood his feelings when he was thirsty and hungry, as their house would most often be without groceries and both had to sleep starving. But mother’s love and care was much more than food or clothing. She was the only soul in the world who bothered the most about him.  Since the inception of marriage his mother had not lived a happy life. She had borne everyday like a month.  Her desire was to turn her son, Aqiram in what she didn’t turn into. What she couldn’t do was her dream to see her son doing. Hope was very high for hopelessness is a sin, even though Aqiram was not worth of being anticipated for superior obsession.

Once when moon and stars scattered so much light, that one would be unsure to call it a night. His father M’eezam was in demand in the brothel. He and his mother were lingering in the corner of the room where luminosity was all natural, of moon and stars. Aqiram lay in the lap of his mother being caressed by his mother’s affectionate hands. Aqiram would never sleep until lullaby was sung. His mother who had no other alternative but to lament the doings of his husband was living in that phase of life where heartache was more in spite of joy. She was dying inside; her heart was heavy and had no trust on her husband. The main reason of her being so much depressed was that the nature had bestowed her with the son for whom she was concerned a lot. This intermingled wretchedness was so painful that tears trickled down the cheeks and Aqiram wiped them off carefully with spongy and little hands.  This compelled the loving mother to hold her child tightly to her bosom and provide him with the warmth of love and affection. That was the night when her mother breathed her last, while singing lullaby she failed to make her child sleep in spite she dropped asleep for ever and absconded the world which was meant for her for the specific time. She loved. She left. She died. She was the individual to whom all his hopes were related. She was someone who encouraged him throughout till her time of departure had an arrival. And this occurred to be one of the big blows to his life. Aqiram dwelled in the home where no one dwelled but his loneliness. His father would return in the late hours and had no worry of his son. He lived a life of his own, forgetting about him and his mother, who was her wife once.  
Aqiram who had learnt the means of living the life was in his teens bereft of mother’s love living in seclusion and his father decided to remarry with a woman who was divorced by a landlord and had one daughter of Aqiram's age. She by composure was huge but by age less than expected. She was 16 years old with blue eyes and copper hair. She was dependable and light-hearted but could be nagging and was scared of being let down. Her name was Annie, most often she was seen dolling herself up for any occasion where her mother would carry her.  Her mother was a replica of one of the teachers of Aqiram, and was as miserable as her.  Whenever she would find Aqiram alone, she would ill-treat him and she always described him a mere maladroit. It hurt his sentiments, but he didn’t speak a word as his mother had taught him to value elders. Such was the impact of guidance’s by his mother that he never behaved the way one should behave when treated unwell. His father didn’t take any notice of these things he was indulged in his indulgences.  Annie gradually grew closer to Aqiram, she in the beginning acted the same way as her mother but later her heart melted and she was so touched that once she asked Aqiram about his quietness. And Aqiram did what he should not have done, ignored her.
The day downheartedness began to be an adjunct to Aqiram, he had always sat in the darkness of darkness’s and loneliness of loneliness’s. He was overlooked by his father, his education suffered, he was found among the backbenchers mourning his life, mourning his mother. A boy who once was considered to be very mischievous lay on the benches silent. Everybody was familiar of his disenchantment, but no one would dare to pat his back, as he would not react the same way he did to Annie.

Annie tried to lessen the difference between herself and Aqiram but failed many a times. Aqiram also realized that there is no one who would take care of him but Annie. So one night after having meals Aqiram was having a stroll in the garden in the dimness Annie had a look of him from the windowpane , she quickly stepped down the stairs and joined her in the garden and asked the same question but this time Aqiram did opposite of what he did in the past, he answered him politely. Annie was startled to see him talking as she had not seen him speaking from the time she had been there, two months. Aqiram was bearing in mind that she might not reveal the tale to her mother and he told him about the hardships he had faced till there, He told him about the divergences between her parents, about his mother’s death who loved him the most in the world. Despite his family Aqirams father participated in brothel and opted Alcohol regardless. His mother’s death was due to his father’s gauche behavior towards her. These were the reasons of him being so much preoccupied by sadness. Hearing this, shocked Annie heaved a sigh of suffering and she was influenced by him. Annie held sway in the house; she made her mind up to talk to her mother, but Aqiram requested her not to disclose what he had told her in the fear that his father might kick him out from the house, for the reason that Aqiram had set him responsible for her mothers death. Annie promised but couldn’t keep her promise; she was so uncomfortable that she couldn’t stay quite and revealed unrevealed to her mother. Her mother cackled at her as she was already au fait with all this. Annie called it reprehensible of her mother; she had not anticipated her mother to be what she was. She got so angry, gnashed her teeth and left the room with sullen face. This revelation was the blunder of Annie although she did that with the intention of doing a favor to her new friend Aqiram. As the news rang the ears of his father, through a clever messenger, his father shouted in anger and called his son Aqiram and abused him. Aqiram bowed his head in disdain and didn’t utter a word. His father held his hand and kicked him on the back and yelled in anger, “Get the hell out of here”; I don’t want to see your face. Get lost! Aqiram tried to make a point but M’eezam didn’t brook any argument from him. As Aqiram turned around towards the door, Annie cried and cried “Aqiram, don’t go”, “don’t leave the house over something so trivial”, “Don’t desert your new friend”.  But this time Aqiram didn’t hear of anyone not even of the neighboring aunty who was once one of the best friends of her mother and a well-wisher. Annie’s relationship with Aqiram had grown enormous; she couldn’t bear his exit from the house, as she would consider herself responsible for his run off.

But she couldn’t do anything; she was jostled by her mother, slapped by her step father and locked indoors. In doing so M’eezam began to think about the wrong step he had taken. He never had any care for his son but it strained him immense after Aqiram left. But what could he do, the damage was already been done, he had done an offense of kicking his son out of the house in his insanity; he was completely drunk at that moment.
In the house, M’eezam was little upset; Annie was in despair and her mother a cruel lady was in high spirits. She had no concern with that poor boy Aqiram but was very kind and affectionate to her daughter Annie, who was very angry with her on account of doing injustice to Aqiram. Annie was cheerless, she wanted to see Aqiram, and she was dying for her not because she had fallen in love with him but she was sympathetic by nature. On the other hand, Aqiram who was searching for shelter wandered here and there in search of it but was unsuccessful and spent the whole night alone on the footpath. While trying hard to plunge a sound sleep, he thought about Annie who had revealed so much concern whilst his going away. He envisaged her gorgeous face, blue eyes and copper hair and felt about the dire consequences which may have prevailed in home after he left. He was in profound feelings about Annie who had supported her and was worried enough about the fact that Annie might be tolerating her mother’s bawls. 
Thus began the life of Aqiram on his own account, and he…
To be continued ..... The author can be mailed at

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